We are all but the same skin, flesh and bones. The big difference is to our character. We respond differently to situations because we were not raised the same and our expectations are not either.
I am the kind who is driven to do tasks when form of words like thank you and please. That’s my kind of need. I dont think I need to be given something physical just to feel appreciated or motivated. This is just a example of my style in this area.
Others may not feel the same.
And why is this important?
Often I’m misjudged by others that there is a need for me to be bought in order to ask for a favor, maybe like others want, but all I want is truthfulness and sincerity. My needs are often represented differently in terms of physical items by giving me things. Like, I would gladly do it if you ask me nicely, but by you giving me something it is going to make me feel like I’m being forced and have no choice but to return the favor, even if that’s not really your intention but perhaps just welfare on your part to show that you appreciate and care.
This is the one rule that you need to understand with the person you are connecting with.
Different people different styles
I’ve learned that not all of us are looking for a conscious self-improvement choice of life or development, some of us wants a peaceful life where they want to avoid complications, others may be come as they go when they feel like it.
Some would just go about being a freedom spirited or wild, some selfess and accepting, others more grounded and some curious and eager.
The freedom spirited likes to go about their day and live the freedom with no rules and resists inner and outer expectations. Some just do not care about what you think is good for them, which means that you cant live to please or correct them or get them to do things they dont want. You just can’t do it without they feeling like they want to do it themselves. If you have to get them to work, give an explanation, tell the consequence and let them make a decision.
Feeding into this wont work like how you did with the one who was more accepting , and then you start questioning why others can and why he or she can’t.
Going on, how other people think there is no one universal way to how we work. What works for one person may not work for the other.
And the thing that we constantly frustrate about is why certain things dont work, why am I not able to convince B like how I convince A. And we beat ourselves to it, constantly, but the truth is, we all respond to things differently and we don’t move on from there because we try to apply a one universal rule for all.
We cant deny the basic rules life has in place for us, but we cant apply the same standard equation for we humans are complex beings.
We each have a specific kind of level to unlock to get to a stage of complete agreement and this requires some tinkering and tending to.
You may encounter those who wants to hear your advice and those who just wants a listening ear and rant just to feel better.
One more thing, don’t overdo or overprovide what others need because most likely they are not capable of accepting or cope with such extremity. They may nod out of courtesy but they dont take it in.
If you must so because its your style, you have to be willing to do so out of no expectation, and a probability that the consequence could make things worse or of no change at all.
It’s like the lung cancer picture on the top portion of the ciggarette pack that may not help people who do keep smoking because they do not actually care to know about the negative effects of smoking, no sir, not at that moment.
I encourage you to take consideration the next time you approach your family, friends, collegues, bosses or customers.
I think this world would benefit more if we learn to cultivate habits on how to approach each person style of getting things done.
What can you do?
Talk to your partner in the manner that she wants to hear it. Listen to your friend’s rant without judgement. Tell the hardworking one to slow down and give others their fair share. Inspire the self-questioner(that’s so me btw) to take action and not to worry too much about getting it right all the time.
This is what constitutes a higher sense of learning so that you can be truly living your life each day.
You want to get rid of that one universal rule.
A lot of content from this post was inspired and made reference from the podcast episode of Greater Good by Gretchen Rubin and it blew my mind away.
Gretchen Rubin Four tendencies.
I listened to this podcast on Castbox on the go, click here.