Adulting lesson

Today i came across a video teaching me an important lesson.
It was a short story about a guy who went on to describe how he became a an adult starting from a boy who was just broke off a relationship into someone successful.

I liked that it showed the key points like budgeting, health, career – about the process of becoming an adult.
As soon as I watched the video, I checked and I questioned, have I taken responsibility for myself, my actions?
Have I invested time in myself learning the important things that requires of an adult?
As i reason with myself into this crazy talk, like here I am, realising I have not really feel like a complete adult or in control of my own life.
I looked at my own room, thinking what have I actually took responsibility of and opened my eyes to see what needs to be done and start getting it done.
I knew I wanted to learn to fold clothes efficiently and so I went on first to learn the best way to fold a sock.
There were a mountain of things I wanted to do but didn’t do, and most of it wasted on less important like randomly scrolling on facebook or instagram. Continuously playing idle games just to kill time. – obviously it did kill my precious time.
I wanted to write, and i keep hesitating. I wanted to read, but keep pausing at those critical to do moments. I wanted to build on learning new skills, be a better tasker, a responsible husband, father and son.
Such of becoming an adult requires these commitments and that to act on it and I lacked in those.

I was in a blinded spot for lacking more initiative towards myself. And that it was I learned.

Why you should not start your e-commerce business like me.

Have you ever wanted to make a decision, follow your heart?

Yeah, but then realise you probably should have at least prepared?

Yeah.

It happened while I browsed Facebook. I saw a friend of mine posted him selling a product, it was a dashcam.

Carlo started his first online shop in the Phillipines. When I saw him progress from a dancer in USS into a businessman, I was impressed.

He was getting a new house for the family and working away from the normal 9-5 job or shift job, that made me wanted to do the same for my family.

So I chatted with him asking for advice whether I should and he was my jumpstart after I decided I wanted to learn the trade of business.

When I jumped into the world of e commerce business, I was excited, but clueless to what I got myself into.

I didn’t consider doing my research properly or consider what I wanted to do. I wanted to do business, but never knew how.

There was no business plan, target audiences or goal.

Surfing into Alibaba, I surveyed hot trends without studying the actual market demand in my area. First mistake made.

I picked a PS4 charging station on a top seller’s list in the US because it was something i wanted to have.

Using some savings money (with some of the money I got from pre-orders) to buy an item in bulks , I hoped to get a profit in return afterwards. It was a risky move.

I only tested the market after I purchased my products. I tried selling my products through Carousell online shopping app and created a Facebook Page but it was not gaining attention despite the facebook ads due to a lack of good content.

There was response, but really slow. Curious as to why, I thought i had it all figured out.

This could be prevented if I had taken some steps to reeavaluate whether it was worth to get it or look for another product.

I realised that what I wanted and what customers want is two different things altogether, and I was confused over what I should do.

I assumed others would definitely buy my product because I’m selling it cheaper than the original but because it’s solves my need doesn’t mean it had solved others.

This should have been done before buying the items.

Noticed that I have not properly considered how Carousell works either. Most buyers prefer to deal through meet-ups, and it had also made the process of my sales more time consuming, not being efficient to deal.

Somewhere, there are these small choices that could have been considered so that the benefits would have been better.

I realise now that planning and identifying the market demand is important to have better grasp of what is profitable.

There is a lot to learn and i believe that this is an mind opener to building a strong foundation.

This is where you learn to fall and rise and make mistakes.

I urge those who was ever in my position to want to try business not to be afraid to pursue them and consider the mistakes to

Here is a summarized version of what you shouldnt do.

  1. Assume all hot trends are good. Study the market trend in your area before buying.

  2. ‎Assume you can cover back your expenses by taking a gamble without evaluating the risks and market.

  3. Spend all your money and play along as you go without planning. Have a business plan well thought out, your target audience and what kind of method/app you use to sell your products.

  4. Understanding your limitations. (spending power, space) and how to derive a strategy in building your business.

Im keeping tabs over how I’m selling my PS4 controller if you’re interested to know what I did.

Until then, thank you for reading.

Fluff Life

It’s about 5 in the morning. On a cold morning, Im glaring into emptiness about where I am in life.

I start thinking about the things I did, my acocmplishments, my job, and interests.
The world is like a stage, and out there is an empty canvas that i painted on, depicting the stories of my life.

I desire days where I want to live my life, originally as who I am. In the mixture of colours, there, I’m bright rich, strong and vibrant. That is where the best of me flows. Red and orange represent my heart and soul, green represents my nurturing and health,and blue represent the work I’ve made to myself and society.

But, as i move towards the edge, the outskirts of where my capability touches boundaries, which is reality, I realised that it diminishes. It faded into shades of grey and emptiness, and it is liveless.

No beautiful work is done there. It looks productive but it isn’t. Its a mess, just keeping me busy.

It’a sketch left empty, stained by what seems to be fluff. My life has been made to complete another’s work without feeling

You have reached a stage of where you everything is fluff. It is all wrapped in an innocent wrapper of goodness build for years of trying to impress others.

Why should you bother?

Because nobody else will unless you do. If you continue to be fluff, that is all the work that people will see, and that is what they think you enjoy doing.

You are no longer being yourself, just adding more layers of yourself to be what others want you to be, and I dont want to stay that way, netiher should you.

I have to find paths in where I can choose to continue and grow my work and have people appreciate them. I want to spread joy, and grow while being my best authentic self. I realised that life also shouldnt not be aimed and stressed about having control over what we can’t but self-mastering our thoughts and minds to produce good work.

Hello Dark Web

Under the rug, secrets thrive. The dark web serves as a medium where dangerous lives. It feeds on your guilt.

If you never surf this part of the deep web, your experience will be surreal. With a VPN and Tor Browser, you are in. There are no links available directly so you have to look for it yourself like in The Hidden Wiki.

Anything you know is illegal is accessible in the dark web, hidden from the normal web. You have access to websites involving drug trafficking much like doing shopping in EBay, services like someone to do your dirty jobs, human trafficking or killing, and you have an infestation of lust videos and requests, disturbing enough to make you question whether this is the reality you are living in.

The dark web is legal but the activities you do may not be so do this at your own risk, please.

It’s too much for me imo, so i stay from doing the thing that kills.

It gets me it’s almost satisfying. You want surreal? Find out for yourself.

Again browse at your own risk, and do it the best way, legally.

The Noises in our Mind

They are there to just annoy and distract, these cacophony.

I believe nature is chaotic and diverse but it can also be peaceful and serene.

The same goes to our day to day lives. The world is buzzing with information, and we live by it.

Gossips, fake news, made up stories that pulls up a stereotypical situation therefore it is worth knowing. There is a blur line of what is true and what matters.

Most of them doesn’t matter, but because we relate to them as unpleasant, we naturally respond by warning others but at the same time give it power to affect others.

We spread anger or fear, without realising the impact it does on a big scale, at which gives life and causes damage.

It does nothing but start more noises.

We lack filtering what is important, chooses to perceive wrong information because of the lack of understanding and that is why we feel like there’s much going on.

Daily post : Cacophony

Cloaked with Humbleness

I’m amazed how some successful people remains humble.

You can see how they cloak in their strengths, the beast, the alpha with simple needs. There is discretion, in disguise.

The cover is not the content.
It’s an illusion, means of unneccesary attraction.

You want to be like them, it ignites you when you know their story.

Their net worth is high, but they give away higher.

Inspired by Daily Prompts
Cloaked

The Fake It Till You Make It

Being someone you’re not is an interesting topic.

How often do you find seizing the opportunity to be someone better, but often feel like being someone else?

Multiple faces, for different agendas. The friendly face, the cold hearted enemy, the firm parent, the weak soul, the reckless, the cautious.

We seek acceptance for feeling incomplete. Often pretend to play the role of others, and sometimes even fake ourselves into being a person of different values and beliefs.

In the midst of wanting to become someone better, we can be sucked into a degree of fakeness.

But what consists of this fakeness? Is it good or bad?

I used to fake it to make it. In the year of 2007, I wanted to get out of secondary school, to start a fresh life. Nobody knew what embarassing moments happened in those days. I was shy and afraid to talk. I was bullied, and had low self-esteem. I wanted to change.

I planted an alter ego, at least that’s what I like to call it.

I lead two different lives in and out of school and it carried until my polytechnic years. I called him Stoner.

Stoner was outgoing, energetic, and a charmer. He was sociable and open, and a bit reckless. He got the style, and ladies love being around him. In school, this cool kid did not exist, but only to the eye of those who only knows him out of school.

In classes, I kept a lot to myself, being a good school student. Studying and staying at the library for self study. I read and write often, and go total nerd with my nerdy friends revising mathematical equations.

Out of school once the day is over, Stoner steps in. He’s with a group of older party people going to clubs where there were booze and fun.

A regular weekly outing consists of him and his party buddies with his favourite girls, some models. He had the cool factor on the dancefloor. He was hanging out with several beautiful ladies and ended the night with fun. The party was him, he could get an empty floor dancing.

The fake life somehow took a part of my life. It affected me emotionally. Part of me wanted me to be cool too, and resulted in a clash of identity.

Often I find myself trying to be Stoner on my level in my daily life, but it doesnt work out that well. There’s a conflict of interest and reasoning over values and beliefs, on top of many relationships that ended. I didnt like going to parties, and I just wanted peace to become a better person to society.

I knew that at one point, Stoner’s chapter will end and what was left would be a trip down memory lane and knew what capablities he made me become.

Often once a while, Stoner’s spark reminds me that I need to have some fun and take risks.

It had opened my mind that the possibilty of the mind is great, and that personal empowerment is a building block to becoming better in life. Do not undervalue your true abilty. Don’t think lowly of what you can do.

Inspired by Daily Prompts :
Fraud

How to deal with unreasonable people

Photo Credit: trianonsoficial Flickr via Compfight cc

There are moments in life where we have to take into good consideration, that we are not able to please everyone, no matter how we want them to understand our point of view.

The fight is just not worth it.

Seems like harsh and hard to accept, but the reality is that if you choose to be relentless and do fight just to be right, you end up hurting yourself in ways that you will feel like it has backfired on you.

There is no saying, these people will be unreasonable, especially those who uses their power of authority – bosses, senior and higher management to tell you that they are not happy with you.

Out of anger and frustration, your actions are now a problem to them.

Worse if the problem was a misunderstanding and confusion, or something you didnt do but was accused of.

I had my fair share of misunderstanding. There will be talk going on behind you, people who would rather push blame to while some will back you up, while others are often sandwiched in between forced to just listen and agree but not act on your behalf.

I have had my reasons to ignore my situation than to pursue. It was supposedly hard when you are fired up, to tame the ego in times of chaos, put out the fire and back down, but I did it.

Here are some simple tactics or mentalities you can take to go about taking care of yourself in such situations.

What goes around comes around

Justice has a manner of it own ways to work things out. This common tale of karma has done good deeds which does in fact makes relevant sense in life.

People who often do bad things often have other issues revolving in their lives.

They may be able to pin you down but you may prosper in other areas of our life. You may come back home to a loving family and be in good health while they may not be having a good work-life balance.

Dont feed the chimp.

Some people just love it when you fall trap into their circle of authority. It makes them feel like they have control. In a way, this is a coping mechanism when they feel like they are powerless. The more you fight, the more they know you are affected and want to showcase their powers and their position to bring you down. The way out is to not let them in. Do not play according to their style and abandon this kind of thinking.

Immaturity power grows on the immaturity of others.

If you have the capability of doing this, you should do it. By doing this, you dont give them power over what they want. You dont let them have the next move.

There is beauty in giving in.

I feel that stepping back and letting others have say over what they think they want is a good passive choice to avoid conflicts.

It develops your maturity by dropping things you have no control over and focus on acceptance even if its not neccesarily true.

The world doesnt end. It doesnt sum up your life’s work when you step out of work and go back to your family. I usually try to put it as that person is having issues, and I dont want to be involved in their drama.

Be the better person. Be the bigger man. It is similar and can be in tune with the belief of karma.

Save that energy by doing things that matter.

A lot of time and energy is wasted thinking on things that does not benefit you in any way. You will just end up being caught up in other people’s drama. Spend time with people who respect and value your relationship.

There is more important issues you need to deal with, so do not waste time on small arguments just to prove who is right.

For this tactic, you have to be willing to view life in a different perspective and be aware of your emotional response to fully embrace the change and you do this by taking one step towards a better direction.

This tactic i believe works well for long term development as it taps into your habits. By learning to filter what is important to act upon, you will learn to live easier, and become a better idividual.

Recap

Im fighting my inner demons. So you are not alone. So here are the few pointers again.

  1. What goes around comes around
  2. Dont feed the chimp
  3. There is beauty in giving in
  4. Save that energy by doing things that matter

I think we have all come across these difficult moments. Part of learning to be better in life is to see the bigger picture, to see what others have done, and react diferently, but understanding is easy to say than doing, that is for sure.

Thank you for reading.

That One Universal Rule To Get Rid Of

We are all but the same skin, flesh and bones. The big difference is to our character. We respond differently to situations because we were not raised the same and our expectations are not either.

I am the kind who is driven to do tasks when form of words like thank you and please. That’s my kind of need. I dont think I need to be given something physical just to feel appreciated or motivated. This is just a example of my style in this area.

Others may not feel the same.

And why is this important?

Often I’m misjudged by others that there is a need for me to be bought in order to ask for a favor, maybe like others want, but all I want is truthfulness and sincerity. My needs are often represented differently in terms of physical items by giving me things. Like, I would gladly do it if you ask me nicely, but by you giving me something it is going to make me feel like I’m being forced and have no choice but to return the favor, even if that’s not really your intention but perhaps just welfare on your part to show that you appreciate and care.

This is the one rule that you need to understand with the person you are connecting with.

Different people different styles

I’ve learned that not all of us are looking for a conscious self-improvement choice of life or development, some of us wants a peaceful life where they want to avoid complications, others may be come as they go when they feel like it.

Some would just go about being a freedom spirited or wild, some selfess and accepting, others more grounded and some curious and eager.

The freedom spirited likes to go about their day and live the freedom with no rules and resists inner and outer expectations. Some just do not care about what you think is good for them, which means that you cant live to please or correct them or get them to do things they dont want. You just can’t do it without they feeling like they want to do it themselves. If you have to get them to work, give an explanation, tell the consequence and let them make a decision.

Feeding into this wont work like how you did with the one who was more accepting , and then you start questioning why others can and why he or she can’t.

Going on, how other people think there is no one universal way to how we work. What works for one person may not work for the other.

And the thing that we constantly frustrate about is why certain things dont work, why am I not able to convince B like how I convince A. And we beat ourselves to it, constantly, but the truth is, we all respond to things differently and we don’t move on from there because we try to apply a one universal rule for all.

We cant deny the basic rules life has in place for us, but we cant apply the same standard equation for we humans are complex beings.

We each have a specific kind of level to unlock to get to a stage of complete agreement and this requires some tinkering and tending to.

You may encounter those who wants to hear your advice and those who just wants a listening ear and rant just to feel better.

One more thing, don’t overdo or overprovide what others need because most likely they are not capable of accepting or cope with such extremity. They may nod out of courtesy but they dont take it in.

If you must so because its your style, you have to be willing to do so out of no expectation, and a probability that the consequence could make things worse or of no change at all.

It’s like the lung cancer picture on the top portion of the ciggarette pack that may not help people who do keep smoking because they do not actually care to know about the negative effects of smoking, no sir, not at that moment.

I encourage you to take consideration the next time you approach your family, friends, collegues, bosses or customers.

I think this world would benefit more if we learn to cultivate habits on how to approach each person style of getting things done.

What can you do?

Talk to your partner in the manner that she wants to hear it. Listen to your friend’s rant without judgement. Tell the hardworking one to slow down and give others their fair share. Inspire the self-questioner(that’s so me btw) to take action and not to worry too much about getting it right all the time.

This is what constitutes a higher sense of learning so that you can be truly living your life each day.

You want to get rid of that one universal rule.

A lot of content from this post was inspired and made reference from the podcast episode of Greater Good by Gretchen Rubin and it blew my mind away.

Gretchen Rubin Four tendencies.

I listened to this podcast on Castbox on the go, click here.